Standard Disclaimer
wanderingwidget has, is, and does not plan in the future to make any money on any of the fics here archived. They were written and are provided for pure entertainment purposes.
by wanderingwidget
rating PG13
warnings - vaguely slashy, the piece is done entirely in dialogue, and I hope I got it right but probably didn't.
wordcount: 728
The Challenge (from dontkickmycane): I'm not sure I can top the last one, but here goes, If House broke his right wrist skidding out on his bike, and had to wear a cast, and he called Wilson, and Wilson was out of town, what would the phone conversation sound like? Would Wilson rush home? How quickly?
“Wilson.”
“Don’t freak out.”
“O-kay. What happened?”
“Promise not to freak out?”
“Greg, you’re freaking me out. What happened?”
“I don’t think I want to tell you. Ow! Where the hell were you trained, Nicaragua?”
“Greg? What’s going on?”
“It’s nothing. Don’t worry. I shouldn’t have called you.”
“Greg.”
“James.”
“House.”
“Wilson?”
“What. Happened.”
“Look, leave that alone. Christ! I said - fuck. Goddamn harpy. How’s the conference?”
“Boring. How’s your bike?”
“Fine.”
“Fine?”
“Fine.”
“Where are you?”
“Work. Sorry honey, no phone sex right now.”
“Cute. Are you going to tell me what happened now or are we going to play another round?”
“But I like playing this game.”
“Well I don’t. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“You’d say that if you had a fence post through your guts.”
“I don’t think I’d be saying much of anything if I had a fence post through my guts. There’d probably be screaming though.”
“What, you wouldn’t take it like a man?”
“Screaming would be taking it like a man. Have you slept with her?”
“Who?”
“The woman you’re sitting with.”
“I’m not sitting with any woman.”
“So you’re sitting in a bar alone? Jimmy, solitary drinking is the first sign of alcoholism you know.”
“What makes you think I’m in a bar?”
“The fact that I can hear people ordering drinks behind you. So, have you?”
“Have I what?”
“Slept with her.”
“There is no ‘her’.”
“Okay, how about him?”
“There’s no ‘him’ either. Why the sudden concern?”
“Maybe I’m feeling vulnerable.”
“Vulnerable? How many Vicodin did you take.”
“None of your business.”
“Greg.”
“Well, if you’re not going to share why should I?”
“There’s nobody else.”
“The day I believe that is the day I leave you.”
“What is your problem?”
“Bum leg?”
“What’s your new problem.”
“Bum arm - oops. What the hell did you give me?”
“Bum arm. What the Hell Happened!”
“Nothing.”
“You’re lying.”
“I don’t lie.”
“Don’t even. Which arm?”
“Which arm what.”
“Don’t play word games with me House, I’m not in the mood.”
“Oooh, he’s angry. How much longer are you gonna be at that conference?”
“Two more days. You know that.”
“I do?”
“…”
“Greg?”
“Yes.”
“What happened?”
“No, that’s not how you do that.”
“Do what?”
“Wrap a cast.”
“You broke your arm?”
“Mmm. No.”
“Your shoulder?”
“Nope. Colder.”
“You broke your wrist, didn’t you.”
“Maybe.”
“Greg?”
“Yes?”
“What happened.”
“Look, it’s not a big deal. I’m fine. The bike’s hardly even scratched.”
“I knew I should have made you return that fucking death trap.”
“Jimmy, language.”
“You could have killed yourself. Christ. Is there anything else wrong, anything you’re not telling me?”
“You’re Jewish, besides, would I hide something like that from you?”
“In a heartbeat, and I don’t give a damn. Damn it Greg. I’m coming home.”
“But your conference isn’t over.”
“Screw the conference. Are they releasing you tonight?”
“Uhm. Gimme a sec. Hey, when can I blow this joint? No. Then call me a cab. What concussion, I don’t have a concussion. Says me. I’m a doctor too you know. Got the secret decoder ring and everything.”
“I’ll take that as a ‘no’ then?”
“I’m going home.”
“Not alone. Not with a concussion.”
“What are you, deaf, didn’t you hear me telling Dougie Howser that I don’t have one of those?”
“I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning. Please just do what they say. Greg?”
“- then I’ll sign out AMA. I don’t care. Hey, give that back!”
“Wilson?”
“Dr. Cuddy? What’s going on?”
“House had an accident. It’s okay, his wrist’s been set and he’s been checked out.”
“Then why are they trying to hold him?”
“Because he broke his right wrist and can barely make it from the examination table to the door. Check that, can’t even make it to the door. Don’t worry, he’s fine, he’s just a stubborn asshole.”
“I’m crippled, not deaf.”
“Don’t worry, we’ll take good care of him.”
“Thank you.”
“Not a problem. You want to say goodbye to him?”
“Yes, thank you.”
“James?”
“I’m still here.”
“I’m not going to apologize.”
“I know. Just. Is it too much to ask you to take care of yourself when I’m gone?”
“Accidents happen, whether you’re here or not.”
“That’s not. Look, I’ll be there to pick you up before noon. Behave.”
“Yes Mom.”
“Goodnight Greg.”
“Yeah, yeah, see ya tomorrow.”
The End
